ANGRY WHITE WOMAN

Mary Rowland is thirty-three and single and lives in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada mountains in northern California. She is self-employed, operating a business out of her home.

Until a couple of years ago, I lived in southern California, so my socialization was all in that area of the country. I was raised a liberal and was a liberal activist in my twenties. I was primarily involved with conservation issues, but sometimes that would prod me into getting involved with other causes, like Indian rights. If they had a dump a mile from an Indian reservation, I might write a letter to the editor or something pointing out that this was environmental racism.

My first movement out of a strictly liberal position was around the issue of overcrowding. We have had so much population growth that the quality of the environment has declined. It became clear to me where the overcrowding problem was coming from, and that was Hispanic immigration from Mexico. There’s hardly any European immigration now, so that isn’t really an issue. But I decided it wasn’t possible to say, “OK, let’s stop immigration from non-white countries and keep immigration from Europe.” So I started speaking out and writing about stopping all immigration, and again, it was from a conservation angle.

It wasn’t long and my fellow conservation activists started pushing me away and whispering “racist.” They’d say things like, “Isn’t your position the same as [former Ku Klux Klan member and alleged racist] David Duke’s?” I knew virtually nothing about David Duke at that time, but I got the basic idea. People started shunning me, and I got to be pretty much on their hit list. I realized from that experience that for the liberal crowd multiculturalism takes precedence over everything else, including the quality of the environment. Things finally got so uncomfortable for me that I resigned from my position on the board of the conservation organization I was in.

The immigration issue is what got me looking more at cultural and racial matters, and that led to the development of my own racial consciousness and racialism. For one thing, I noticed that when you look at the people who promote conservation in this country, they are predominately European Americans. I also started noticing things like in San Jose they replaced the Liberty Bell with a statue of Montezuma, the Aztec emperor. I thought about how in wars the conquerors start changing the street names and tearing down the reputation of the conquered people’s founders. I realized that I was seeing that happen in my own country. So I started being concerned about the bigger picture. My kids, if I ever have them, are they going to be welcome in this country? Their forefathers died to secure this country for them. Are they going to walk around like they are strangers, like they are aliens here? I started asking questions like that.

I also saw what was happening in my own neighborhood. In a period of about five years, whites went from like eighty percent to about thirty percent. It had been a lower-middle income community with a lot of older people, but as soon as Mexicans started moving in, things started really breaking down. Young minority families moved in, and as soon as their kids hit their teen years, they began robbing people’s houses and mugging old people, and so all those who could afford to move did.

I had to deal with racial harassment against me. I was a young woman with blond hair and blue eyes. I’d be walking down the street in my own neighborhood and a group of Mexicans would make sexual and racial comments to me. Or I’d be walking down the street and there would be black guys loitering on the side of the street, and one of them would say, “Hey baby, once you go black you’ll never go back.” There were other incidents where they wouldn’t make a racial comment, but they would follow me and try to intimidate me, or they would be walking on the street and I would be walking the other way and they would spread out so I couldn’t get by. I would have to walk way around them. It got to the point where I felt unsafe.

One of the defining moments for me in deciding that I was going to move away was what happened to this young sixteen-year-old white boy. He was about six feet tall with blond hair and blue eyes. He was kind of a wigger, though. The first day he and his mom moved into the community, he was chased down by five Mexicans. They cornered him and said, “We don’t like white boys around here.” He talked his way out of it, but it was a frightening experience. What was happening in the neighborhood was a kind of ethnic cleansing of whites. They start ethnically cleansing you when they become maybe thirty percent of the population. They start harassing your kids. I started getting really agitated all the time and I knew I had to leave. I would come home and see in the pool of the complex I was in thirty Mexican kids and one little white girl. I just wanted to get out of there.

What really gets to me is how they say people are racists because they have never experienced diversity. The vast majority of racialists I know have experienced diversity first hand and that is it why they became racialists. I don’t dislike people as individuals. It is the collective effect that their group has on my people and my culture that concerns me. If we are replaced by Mexicans, it’s going to look like Mexico here and be like Mexico. I believe that the Mexican people and everyone else have a right to exist. But I also believe I should have a place where my kids can grow and prosper and not be forced to listen to “booga-booga” music and have black boys crammed down their throats. You can’t even turn on the television and watch a commercial without hearing the sound of a black male singing or doing a voice-over. Our kids are being turned into wiggers. That is what they are being taught in place of the culture that made whites the most civilized and prosperous people on earth.

I remember one thing I did before I left southern California and moved up here that marked a turning point for me. I never had the nerve to do anything like it before because I was raised to be a nice, cooperative community member and somebody who doesn’t make waves. I used to go to a Barnes & Noble bookstore and look at their bargain shelf. One time, I saw a book titled 101 Redneck Jokes. I walked up the manager and I said, “Sir, do you have any nigger joke books?” He looked at me shocked. “No!” And then I handed him the joke book and said, “Well, then you shouldn’t have this one.”

How do you transmit your way of life and good values to your children? You promote good healthy cultural activities. You teach your children their ethnic heritage, their music. I was never taught the history of my people, the Celts. I’ve come to understand that a lot of who and what I am has to do with who they were a thousand years ago. The educational establishment makes it sound as if average Europeans who migrated here were the elite. The elite, much of the time, were not kind. They weren’t even kind to their own people. But Europeans who came here weren’t all elite. Many of my people—Scots and Irish—came here literally in chains or as indentured servants. They had done something considered criminal or got into debt and they were sent here to work off their debt to society. But they got through it, and they and their descendents went on to do great things.

Everybody who is white is pegged as being responsible for black slavery. For one thing, a very small percentage of the Southern landowners were slave owners. And besides that, the Moors, who were part black, enslaved my people, and the Mongols attacked Europe and enslaved my people when they had the opportunity. When they talk about the Indians, I’ll talk about the Mongols. I’m not going to feel guilt for anything, not any more.

Today, our kids are learning about African history, and when they teach about European history they teach about slavery and other negative things designed to harm the self-esteem of white children. Whatever is on television or in the paper or anywhere else that’s mainstream, and especially what is taught to our kids in schools, is presented in a negative context. For example, there’s our war with the Indians. What they don’t point out is that basically it was a military war with the Indians. The people I identify with aren’t the soldiers. I identify with the pioneers, the people who were trying to live in peace. Maybe their wagon trains or their homes were attacked and the wife had her throat slit and their baby was stolen. They don’t stress that the Europeans were industrious and inventive people, or that they developed great technology or created this or that vaccine. No, they must tell people that evil “Whitey” spread disease on purpose to kill Indians. They try to make it sound like white people, the most tolerant people on earth, are inherently evil and inherently anti-conservation and so on. I used to passively accept this kind of stuff. After a while, though, I started becoming really fed up. They pushed me the other direction. I realized that this culture promoted racism against whites, not vice versa.

There’s good and bad with my people, so am I supposed to only identify with them when it comes to negative things? I am going to identify with positive things and I am going to stand up for my people, white people. When I was at my friend’s house yesterday, I came across an article about a group called the European American Issues Forum. A reporter from a San Francisco newspaper wrote in the first sentence, “Oh, here’s a group of people who say that they, as white people, are discriminated against.” And then right after that sentence, she wrote, “Yes, the people who came here and exterminated the Indians.” That’s what she put in the article! I thought to myself when I read that, “When you talk about blacks, are you going to say these are the people whose ancestors were cannibals?”

We do live in a racist society. It’s just that we’re the only acceptable victims of it. I feel like a war of extermination is being conducted against us, I really do. They want to kill us kindly. They want you to marry an Asian and have a half Asian baby. They want me to marry a black and have mulatto babies. If I have kids, they are going to be white and they are going to be raised in a white community. They are not going to be raised in a multicultural community. I don’t want anybody telling my kids at a young age that they are bad people and that their ancestors were dishonorable.

I’m thinking now that white people need a separate area where we can reproduce and live amongst our own and practice our traditional cultures. I’m not talking about a situation where it is like, “We claim this area for Aryans and anyone who tries to come in we’re going to shoot you.” It’s more like people all moving to the same area. I’m planning to leave California next year. It’s nice now where I am, but I want to leave while I am still young instead of when I am old and it’s unbearable, when, to be blunt, the Mexicans move up here. We are already getting graffiti. There are a lot of beautiful natural places here and some lovely little towns, but they are coming up here and spraying their scrawl on everything in sight and vandalizing our schools. It’s terrible.

This morning, it was reported in the paper that “hate flyers” were found in—I don’t remember which state it was. I think the flyers were the ones the National Alliance distributes that say, “White people are an endangered species.” Somebody does something as innocuous as that somewhere and I find out in California the next day. But most people didn’t find out about what happened in Cincinnati, where about three hundred blacks blocked off a street and started pulling white people out of their cars and beating them up. The media always tries to cover up things like that. The people who control what we read and see on television in this country don’t want white people to wake up. Hate knows no color—hate’s not just a white thing. All racially aware white people aren’t haters. What I am about isn’t hate. I’m about love for my people and the heritage they have passed down to me to preserve and enhance.

I am a white separatist, not supremacist. I prefer to be around my own folk and practice my own folkways. That does not mean I am a bad person. In fact, I am basically a warm-hearted and generous person. I simply direct my love toward my own people in the same way other races do toward their own people. I will no longer be made to feel guilty for that. That doesn’t mean I won’t have a working relationship with someone outside my race, but that is all it will be. When you are a racialist, you can’t have interracial friendships or love relationships and still be consistent. At least I can’t.

I would like to have a family and children, but it is tough to find an appropriate man given my racialist perspective. There just aren’t many men who see things as I do. And even if I found one of them, or at least someone who could accept me for who I am, there are all the other qualifications they must meet. I have very high standards around the way men think about women and the way they treat them and whether they are goal-oriented or not. A man I would marry would have to be hardworking and not an alcoholic or take drugs. I used to smoke but I quit, and I now I won’t even accept smokers. So it’s tough. And needless to say, the man I have children with will have to be white. I never bought the idea of interracial relationships that Hollywood is selling so hard to young people. Even before I was racially conscious, I never considered an interracial relationship. I simply wasn’t attracted to non-whites, and on some level I knew it was wrong despite having been raised to seek out and befriend minorities. Continuing the white race is a non-negotiable for me. I feel a strong moral obligation to have white children and make up for the feminist who has none.

Sometimes I wonder if what I have been through around race has taken my humanity away from me some and made me tougher to be around, which could be getting in the way of meeting a good man. Maybe if there weren’t such immigration and multicultural overkill I would be the compassionate, generous person that I want to be toward everyone. All this has made me rougher around the edges. I mean, now I’ll see a story about Jose Fuertes and his thirteen kids no longer having anywhere to live because there was a fire and they were burned out of their two bedroom apartment and I don’t go, “Oh, how sad” like most people. I go, “My God, thirteen people?! Deport them all!!” Had Jose only had one child and his entire country wasn’t moving in on us, I would feel compassion for his and his peoples’ plight.

When I was in Frisco last week, I was looking at the architecture and I thought, “This a beautiful place.” But look who is going to inherit it. My people built this country, and now these people have come in and my people are expected to put out the welcome mat and teach them how to take the reins of this society. They don’t want to have anything to do with our culture, but they want to benefit from the society and infrastructure we created, all the while calling us names and accusing us of racism. Well, yeah, now I am a racist, Jose! If they say we were here first, this is Aztlan [the name Mexicans give to the Southeast United States], my attitude is, if you want it back I’m going to scorch the entire state and you can have it back the way it was when you were here dirt, clay, and leaf huts. I know that maybe sounds harsh, but that is how I’ve become.

I can’t say that I’m completely happy right now, but I’m not totally unhappy either, because I’m out in the country and not in the midst of the multicult cesspool as I was before. I was very unhappy in the city. But I know they will soon be “coming up the hill” toward me. I’m going to leave the state. Hopefully, my moving to a snowy, economically depressed area will keep them at bay.

I just want to live a normal life, preferably with a family, but if I can’t have that, a life with good friends in a community where I feel safe and I’m free to walk down the street without looking over my shoulder. I just want to be able to express pride in my people and admiration for our white ancestors and to continue their traditions without minority harassment and interference. When I am really old, I want to live in peace instead of like those old people in the neighborhood where I used to live who are eighty-ninety years old without the energy or the money to escape.